Quick, to the slutcave!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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