Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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