Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
