:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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