I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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