i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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