some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
