There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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