I seem to have left my pride at pride
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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