You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
