Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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