I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
