Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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