New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
