pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
