At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
