a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
