singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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