Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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