Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize