also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
