so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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