Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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