I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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