Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
