Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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