sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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