'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
