I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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