It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
