Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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