It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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