in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
