All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
