Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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