This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
