the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
