So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
