I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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