dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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