I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was CRYING into my vagina
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
