I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
