Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
