There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
