you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
