the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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