is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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