Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize