Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
