I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
