He is such a slut. More and more my type.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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