Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
