meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You work out of a Hotel?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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