the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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