Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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