Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
