i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
