i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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