wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
