hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
