it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
