we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
