who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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