I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
