I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize