i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
