I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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