no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
