I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I looked at my own cervix.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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