You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
40s are totally the cure
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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