she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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