Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
