I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize