Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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