i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
