he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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