Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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