I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
