I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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