You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
