there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
