I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize