oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
