i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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