Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
