If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
