It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
