just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
