do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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