I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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