Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
