my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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